Why more games need to have playable goblins in them

There is a massive spectrum of video game types out there, in the figurative expanse of genres. What's more just about any of them can be complimentary together, merged with one another, or give rise to an entire new genre. What FPS doesn't have some kind of puzzling element these days? What adventure doesn't contain a bit of stat-crunching or ability trees? Why is there a dating simulation in Grand Theft Auto? (Answer to the last one is 'because Rockstar Games forgot what grand theft auto means, presumable')

Seriously, this is a shooter game!

So, what does this have to do with goblins? Well the fact is that, what ties almost all games together is the need for character. Even disembodied games, ones that don't have a perceivable protagonist to identify with, will strive to have a certain look and feel to better engage the player. After all games are basically graphic interfaces on top of not very interesting coding, and even computer hacking games tend to have some minimal graphic design! You need the player to give a damn, and that requires design.

I propose that goblins are a grossly under utilised 'player-identifier'.

Based on my favourite representations of them across different media, goblins are small, mischievous, ever-so-slightly magical idiots who break rules but have entirely emotionally-driven motives. Goblin wants something? They take it. Goblin doesn't like something? They smash it! Goblin is curious but a bit unsure about something? They get all their mates to pile in and see what happens! A goblin is the morally-unbound inner-child of an adult given just enough power and sparkle to achieve things but flawed by not being very big.

This childish characteristic, combined with a pro-active disregard to restraint, is pretty much what gaming is about. We don't play games because they're things we do in our usual lives! We play them because they let us engage with things we are otherwise unable to do, much like the imaginary play almost all kids engage in! Even simulations put you in a seat of control you might not always have, and less likely to have at your beck and call. Goblins are the perfect compliment to this, as they could be a vehicle for all those desires, with all that added charm of being a recognisable figure (every culture seems to have some form of goblin in their folklore) and they can engage with the other side of games: the challenge of playing and winning, exemplified by the fact that goblins are not meant to be the most powerful creatures in the world!

That's right little fella! Be my vehicle of destructive impulses!
(picture from Nolan's Sketches)

Just for example here are some games which I think would be vastly improved if you played as a goblin instead of the original character:

• Grand Theft Auto (Want to go bowling? How about I just kick you in the bum and run away?)
• Mass Effect (Save the universe? Let me call up my 500 pointy-eared mates first!)
• Call of Duty/any pseudo-realistic shooter game (Never stop running, never let go of the trigger, and never stop cackling as you mow down anyone and everyone!)
• Batman Arkham City (Nothing would be better than sneaking up behind some goons, tying the shoelaces together of all of them, then announcing your presence by swinging a bag of rocks! Also, leaping from buildings whilst screaming.)
• Left 4 Dead (Pretty sure I could get to Mercy Hospital if I hide in bins, never stop balling along whilst yelping, and knife the back of the legs of every zombie I see.)
• Mario (Not much would actually change, except when you finally get to the princess you nick her crown and carry on running whilst laughing.)

Convinced? Not convinced? Have any semblance of an opinion? Comment below!